Categories: awareness, fear, goals, intention, risk, willingness

Lately I’ve been reading over some previous blog entries and through my journal. I’ve had wonderful awareness over the past several months. Some of my entries, however, seem like they were written by another person. It’s like I experience a part of myself and allow it to fly away from my consciousness.

There can be a lot of pressure to grow and transform one’s self. Over the past 4 years I have really become a new person. And in many ways I continue some habits that aren’t so great, habits that I had once licked and I chose to bring them back.

Here’s an example. I started smoking again one spring and summer after my marriage broke up. It was just for a few months. And yet my choice to stop smoking in the past was a comfort zone that I welcomed back like an old friend. Why? Somehow it’s often easier to stop growing, put the brakes on, and get comfortable.
I find that I’m continuing to choose some habits that I really don’t care for. Notice that I say I’m choosing them. I take full responsibility for my actions. I can’t blame anyone else for them. They are solely my choices. I’m talking the more-than-usual dessert, an “extra” helping at dinner, not being consistent with my exercise, participating in gossip, and allowing emotions to run amok.

And so I find myself in the present moment, having at once changed so much in my life, and simultaneously holding on to old habits out of fear. I welcome this awareness, and I look forward to finding out what steps I will take to create the next level of change for myself.

So I’m going to go out on a limb and profess and confess (notice the pro and con here?) that I have a goal to weigh 210 pounds by June 11, 2009. On that date I have planned to jump out of a plane in Boulder, Colorado and that is the weight needed to do a tandem jump with the company I want to go with.

Homework:

What is one thing you want to commit to? How scary is it? Notice how much stress comes up and where your body feels it. Are you motivated to complete the task? Can you take one step forward, no matter how small you think it sounds? Whatever it is, I know it’s possible if you choose to.

Prove me wrong,

Joseph Lyons

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