Apr 9, 2007 | 4:01 pm
What are your groups? And who are you?
I am a member. I belong to many things in different ways. I play different roles in different teams with different abilities and results. How do I know who I am if I show up in all these different ways?
Let me explain my groups. First my immediate household of me and my boyfriend. Then there’s the condo complex, neighborhood, city, region and more that I live in – many geographical separations. Then there’s my family and their immediate families and my extended family and distant cousins (one distant cousin is actually my geographically closest living relative…)
There’s the work group I belong to in which I have my cubicle neighbors and the people that work in the same wing of the building. I also have my work team and the several work teams I interact with. Then I have a coach training group in which I have an assigned partner and an assigned team, and there are coaches-in-training that I naturally gravitate towards. I haven’t even gotten into outside friends, acquaintances, business partners, peers at my gym, and more. And forget about the intersections of these groups – that’s another blog in itself.
In the past week I’ve had three important lessons from group interactions that I want to share:
1. “Leaders” implies “Followers”: I volunteered to help a friend develop a game that teaches leadership on Saturday and I was put together with other creative, logical, and critical thinkers. We shared leadership and developed a healthy and positive way to interact. We all led part of the discussion and none of us criticized another. Instead, we continued to build on ideas and fostered a sense fo synergy. At any moment I played either a leader or a follower and everyone else did the same.
2. Don’t expect your groups. I met my boyfriend’s family on Sunday for Easter and I have to say that I enjoyed the entire day. Good food, great conversation, hilarious moments. It felt like home. By the end of the day I hugged half of the family and I look forward to visiting with them again. After 3 hours I felt loved, involved, included, and like I belonged.
3. In another group my skills and knowledge were challenged by another member. In this particular group, we are assigned to this group with severe consequences upon failure of the group. I had two choices: give up my skills and knowledge to make it easy for the rest of the group, or stand for myself and honor what I bring to the table. Standing there at the crossroads, I took my position with care, humility, and attention to my intention. This group will only succeed if I bring my whole self.
Homework:
What groups do you belong to?
What are your roles in those groups?
What groups have you avoided?
What groups do you want to give up?
What do your groups say about you?
Truly Yours,
Joseph Lyons
PS. If you want to belong to something right now, join my blog!